If I think about a time and place where shit started to hit the fan, it must be when I was around 5 years old. My dad had his own company. My mom was a nurse (I guess). They were working really hard to give me and my brother a great future. And I can already tell you, they did a great job.
The downside of 2 working parents was that we needed some ‘adult supervision’ during the day and night. We went to the day-care center 3 days a week. I had a great time there. Ofcourse, I was 5. I would enjoy myself all day with 2 pieces of lego’s.
At night we needed a babysitter. The dean from our local school had a son. He was around 20 years old. I can’t remember his name, but let’s call him Michael. Michael knew what I needed… A gaming system. We would play all night long and everything seemed fine.
As time passed he started to sit closer to me. In a few weeks we were almost cuddling while I was playing on the Nintendo. I don’t know why, maybe he was cold. A few days later he made ‘the move’.
Let me explain the move: The move is when you are with a boy or a girl, and you’re trying to get your hand inside his/her pants for the first time. It’s always scary. How is he/she going to react? The best part is when you get that subtle wiggle from your crush so your hand slides in perfect.
Anyways, I didn’t know what was happening and I thought to myself: ‘Maybe this is normal’.
Weeks went by and I discovered mastrubation. Well actually, he discovered it for me. Ofcourse I didn’t get ‘hard’ or anything, I was 5 years old for fuck sake.
I guess what followed is what made me today. Weeks went by and I found the courage to talk to my parents, because it didn’t feel right. He would only let me play on the Nintendo if I let him have his hands up my pants.
The exact reaction from my parents: ‘Come on Bryan, don’t be Silly. Michael would never do that.’
After a few minutes of trashing the whole house my parents agreed to look for another babysitter. But still, those minutes were the most painful minutes of my life. My own parents didn’t believe me. My first issue was born: Trust issues
Eat Sleep Fuck Repeat 
Ok……this was a shock. I feel angry just reading it and I wasn’t the one who lived it. The way you described, short but to the point…..it feels like you just had to get it out quickly, like your mind can’t get stuck in that scene of your life too long. The way you wrote about it…..made me picture it in short snap shots in my head, it was uncomfortable in the most intriguing and well written way. Xx
LikeLike
Yeah I rather not think about this chapter too long, but I couldn’t leave it out. This is where It all started. I think this partially defined me as a person..
LikeLike
I have no sense of being able to understand what that has done to you…..but its off your chest….the weight is writen now instead of bearing heavily down on you. I’m looking forward to reading more about you xx
LikeLike
I wish it was that easy, but i’ve learned to live with it over the years. Therapy helped a lot. I am looking forward to see more of player 3 haha. Keep up the good work!
LikeLike