This is the first post from ‘Advice from a cheater’. I got a mail from Sarah, and I’ll try to answer it from my point of view.
I’ve been with my husband for 13 years. In the first three months of our relationship he cheated on me, slept with another woman and said he would die if I left him. Within the first 6 months there were another two questionable scenarios that he denied. We had our first child after being together 18 months and then I found the messages to my best friend on his phone. He was trying to get in her pants.
We broke up and got back together twice after that. Added three more children and he claims his cheating days are past him. Now he works most days and nights too, working two jobs, he is around a lot of women and always frequents online forums that are used for hooking up.
He tells me about the women he sees and the sites he visits. He tells me about the porn he watches and all I see is the lack of interest in me. I have thrown myself at him and suggested threesomes but there’s nothing. I know he suffers depression and he plays that card often but am I being niave thinking he isn’t cheating?
I did snoop. I’m not proud. But there were messages saying he will meet to fuck. But there were never times set. There were others asking for sexual photos, tits legs, vagina, naked pics too. Is this just a way of getting off or is more?
My point of view:
Oke, so he’s a cheater. Most people will say once a cheater, always a cheater, and I agree with them. Looking at my past, I’ve done it over and over again. Of course, people can change. Looking at the shit he pulls, he’s probably isn’t.
The fact that he’s on online forums is not a good sign. I don’t know the reason behind him doing that, but he violates your trust. Depression is a tough cookie to swallow, but It’s never an excuse. I’ve been through a depression myself, and all I did was pushing the people that I loved away. I cheated a lot at that time, and my excuse (to myself) was my depression. That’s bullshit, that’s to easy. I cheated during my depression because I could have sex without feelings. Whenever I had sex with my GF, we ‘made love’ and I had feelings. I didn’t want to have those feelings, because they were depressing, so I stopped having sex with my GF.
It seems to me that he keeps doing this shit to you, and he get’s away with it every time. I had that too, and it didn’t help. I wished some GF would have said ‘fuck you Bryan, I’m out of here’. He needs to know you’re not taking his bullshit any more. The fact that he asks girls for sexual pictures should mean something to you. Weather or not he’s actually having sex with them, that doesn’t matter. He’s going to far, and it’s only a matter of time before it happens again. I’m not saying you should leave him right away, but he needs to know it has to stop. And he needs to know that if he doesn’t stop, your gone forever. You shouldn’t be treated the way you’re treated.
He’s an asshole. Those texts, the forums, It’s a huge huge huge red flag for cheating. He probably does it because he can. Stand up for yourself, and think about what you want, and what you need. If he doesn’t change, you need to make a decision only you can make. If it looks likes shit, smells like shit, it’s probably shit.
9 thoughts on “Advice from a cheater #1 – Asshole husband (@Sarah)”
It is insane how wonderful and amazing this advice is and how sad it is at the same time.
You are warning against yourself. You are telling this person she doesn’t deserve the way she is being treated. She deserves better.
I can’t imagine how it must feel to look at this situation, to see yourself, and then, by telling this girl she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, acknowledging that your girlfriend doesn’t deserve it either.
You’re blog is fun and engaging but it also makes me incredibly sad.
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I must admit, it feels weird. But I need to be honest with myself right now, and nobody deserves to be threated that way. That also means my (ex)gf’s
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Just my quick opinion about the depression. I suffer from Bipolar disorder and to use depression as an excuse-well, you are only bullshitting yourself.
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That’s what I said right?
Jip you did 😀 I just needed to say it to, to get it off my chest. It happens a lot where people use depression as an excuse, not just with cheating.
that’s true. Although I only figured that out after the depression. During it I either didn’t care, or didn’t notice..
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That is how we learn.
Amen! Wauw, as an atheist I’ve always wanted to say that once haha
You and me both haha, I still need my window to say that.