Everybody has those days that you’re laying in bed, and you’re supposed to go somewhere, but you just don’t want too. Some might have it because your bed is so nice and snug, others because it’s too cold outside. When I laid in bed, I didn’t want to get up because I was in pain.
I didn’t had any physical problems, it was mental. The thought about doing something made me sad, so I stayed in bed. When I did get out of bed, I pored myself a nice glass of booze first. It took the edge off, made me feel better. Booze was my breakfast for about 2 years, and the funny thing is, nobody knew. The only time I ate was at night. My dinner would be crackers or dry bread, because I could go to the store and buy a weeks worth of food, and lay in my bed for the rest of the week.
I lived alone, so my parents didn’t know. I fucked up school, because I literally didn’t go for 2 years. My best friend had no clue either. We went to the same classes, but I just told him I was lazy. We went out a lot, because that would give me a reason to get hammered. I didn’t want to feel anything.
I had sex with a lot of girls, because that would take my mind of things. I would have sex with 3 girls a day, for a very long time. 1 in the morning, 1 during the day and 1 at night. Sometimes a girl wanted to stay a little while longer, so I had to make excuses to get her out of here. It didn’t make me happy, but it made me ‘not sad’. I had a girlfriend at the time, but I couldn’t care less about that.
My best friend found out on our holiday together. I drank 2 bottles of some booze (around 45% alcohol) and passed out in a club. They needed 5 people to drag me out the club and bring me back to our hotel, I’m a big guy 😉 The next morning he told me he had to turn me on my side every 30 minutes to prevent me from chocking in my vomit. I got angry as fuck. I told him he was selfish for ‘saving me’, and he should just have let me die. Well, he took that shit pretty serious, so there was no point in lying to him about it anymore.
At that point he was the only one who knew. Of course, he didn’t know about my earlier attempt to take my own life. More about that later.
10 thoughts on “Talking about my shitty life during my depression”
I know the feeling all too well. I send all my best. Wish I could give advice but I know how horrible it is to hear all the cliche sayings in an attempt to try and cheer you up. It doesn’t always work-well with me anyway.
Luckily for me I’ve been out of it for about 2 years now. Well, I think I am haha. At least I feel better then 4 years ago
That’s really good to know! Well done! Just keep it that way. I was fine for a little more than a year then fell into the dark abyss. Only recently got out of it slowly. Just keep it positive.
Oh that sucks! Why did you fall back?
Well I am medicated to keep all the jumbles in my head balanced and every now and then it seems to stop working. I’ve also been going through a hard time with family issues and crap. So everything just went to hell. Being a Masochist also doesn’t help
Oh that sucks. My dad wouldnt let me take any medicine because he was afraid once i took it i couldnt feel normal without it..
Glad you found your way out of that pit. Take care of yourself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know that feeling of depression. Went through it for 5mths after my dad passed away last year. It was entirely cause of him. He was the tipping point of my otherwise shitty life. But I never felt suicidal. My kids keep me grounded in that respect. I just wouldn’t get out of bed or want to do anything but sleep and be a hermit.
Damn fast typing. It wasn’t entirely cause of my dad for the depression.
Meds work for some people, for others it doesn’t. My best friend is a Paranoid Schitzo and he goes without meds due to the same reason. He believes it will change him. I don’t know-sometimes during a bad day I get worried about him. For me on the other hand, I lose my mind without medication. While I’m on it I believe my true personality comes out. Without I usually end up in hospital getting stitches, stomach pumped or something else. The last time they sent me to an mental istitution was when I was about eighteen years old. So far I’ve avoided that place and I’m pretty proud. So if you think you need medication then I say give it a try but if you feel that you don’t need it then don’t use it. Its all up to you.